There comes a moment in every leader's life when we finally realize that being right does not bring the freedom we hoped it would. I have reached that moment several times, and I am sure I will reach it again because I am human. But lately, I have been reflecting on this idea with a softer awareness as I enter a new phase of my life and leadership.

We humans love to be right. We cling to our opinions because they make us feel grounded or validated. We defend our beliefs as if they define our identity. We grip tightly to the stories that help us feel in control, even when that sense of control is not real. And often, we dig our heels in so deeply that we forget what we truly want. Peace. Connection. Freedom.

Seeing Self Righteousness Up Close

This became especially clear to me during a visit with my dad a couple of years ago. He has been mostly absent from my life, and when he came to Durango after more than a decade apart, I felt nervous and uncertain. He had never met my brother's children. He had rarely seen my son. I had no idea what the visit would bring.

Over the years, my dad has expressed his views with a level of intensity that leaves little room for anyone else to have their own perspective. His mindset is deeply rooted in the belief that his way of thinking is the only right way. And it goes further than that. In his worldview, people who think differently are not simply misguided. They are bad, foolish, or unworthy. That combination is what creates the self-righteousness that has made our relationship so difficult. It is not just the conviction that he is right. It is the judgment and dismissal of everyone who believes anything else.

Because of this history, I set firm boundaries around discussing politics or other divisive topics long before his visit. Those conversations were too painful and unhelpful for both of us. During the visit, I could tell he was trying to respect those boundaries. He would start to make a political comment, catch himself, and say, “Oh, I know you don’t want to talk about that.” I appreciated the restraint, and at the same time, I still knew what he believed and how he judged people who saw the world differently.

It was not what he said during the visit that struck me. It was what I understood about him beneath the silence. A lifelong paradox of self-righteousness and self-loathing. A man insisting he is right, while quietly suffering under the weight of regret. And watching this unfold stirred something in me because I recognized a pattern I have also lived.

The Lawsuit That Cost Too Much

Years ago, StoneAge became entangled in a patent infringement lawsuit. I was convinced we were right. When I sat down with the other company's CEO to negotiate, I refused to compromise. I wanted to win. I wanted to prove our innocence. I pushed forward so forcefully that I ignored the possibility that I might not be seeing the full picture.

We spent months in a stressful, expensive legal battle only to settle anyway. The judge told both of us that neither position was strong enough and encouraged us to work it out. When we finally sat down again, we had a productive conversation that could have saved us an enormous amount of time, money, and energy if I had not been so determined to prove my point.

That experience taught me one of the most powerful lessons of my leadership journey. Being right is often not worth what it costs. The emotional rigidity that comes with wanting to be right can cloud judgment, undermine connection, and create unnecessary suffering.

Choosing Peace in the Middle of Conflict

And now, as I navigate the final stages of my divorce, I am faced with the paradox of being right almost daily. There have been countless moments when I felt the urge to defend myself or correct a narrative. But when I pause long enough to ask myself, “Do I want to be right or do I want peace,” the answer is always clear.

This is the paradox that so many people miss. We think being right will bring relief, but it rarely does. It only tightens the knot inside us.

How Needing to Be Right Hurts Your Team

In leadership, the pattern is even more pronounced. Leaders who cling to being right create environments filled with fear and stagnation. Team members stop speaking up because they assume their ideas will be dismissed. Creativity shrinks. Innovation fades. People retreat. And leaders end up isolated in a world of their own making.

F Scott Fitzgerald once said, “The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in your mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” I believe this is also a test of emotional maturity. Wisdom lives in the space between opposing truths. It asks us to be grounded and flexible at the same time.

As I continue building StoneAge and my life, I want freedom to be my guide. I want to create space for others to rise. I want to lead with clearer eyes, deeper trust, and more curiosity.

And that freedom starts with letting go of the need to be right.

Questions That Help Me Choose Freedom

If you want to practice this, consider the questions that guide me every day.

If the answer is no, you already know what life is inviting you to do. Release it. Let one moment go. One argument. One correction. One point you choose not to win. Try it once and see how much lighter you feel.

Freedom Beyond Being Right

The need to be right is a cage disguised as certainty. Freedom is what happens when we stop guarding our opinions and start opening our hearts.

Life is too short to die on the hill of being right. I would rather be free.

If this resonates with you, you can watch the full Reflect Forward episode on YouTube or listen on your favorite podcast platform. And if you would like me to speak to your organization about leadership, ownership mindset, or building people-centered cultures, you can learn more at kerrysiggins.com.